Every day I wake up and thank the lucky stars that Kelly Brook is no longer engaged to that bald douche Billy Zane, and then I brush my teeth. Here she is gracing the pages of J Magazine in her tasty little bikini. She’s f@#king hot, I don’t know what else there is to say. I guess that means it’s time for my lame joke. Here it comes. If the boner police were here I’d need to call my lawyer. Yes!

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